easier said than forgotten

home surgery

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 22:59:32 GMT

I had to commute for Valentine's Day, because we have already eaten at every restaurant in Greensboro, and some in Jamestown. I got too much candy and flowers and a tiny stuffed bulldog with a bow around his neck that reminds me of my future bulldog.

This is hard to maintain. I am alphabetically organizing students' papers so they can be returned tomorrow. I am thinking about seeing "Boogeyman" tonight, because I heard that the boogeyman looks just like Michael Jackson,which is how I always pictured him. In writing class for Thursday I have to workshop not one but two stories about vampires. In one, a vampire teaches an important lesson about alcoholism. I have to buy a plug for my nose since work and my cat batting it somewhere secret is interfering with my septum piercing, and I worry about my nose falling in on itself due to its compromised structural integrity.

Don't I know you from somewhere?

after all, this is france

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 02:52:04 GMT

i got everything i wanted for my birthday, including the coffeemaker. even though i had actually spent all week saying "i hope it's a coffeemaker" i felt ill-equipped to convince my stepmother that it was a wonderful gift. my email sounded sarcastic, like it was actually a boring present, but really i was so excited that it came with a scoop and some filters and everything that it was kind of embarassing. i got new bedsheets, pink sweaters, a cake that says "hop" due to a frosting malfunction and a card that says "you're 85 and special." i even got a card from my new grandparents, the extra set, and i wrote them a thank you note right away. i didn't feel comfortable calling them just gram and gramps when i have only met gramps once and gram twice so i added their last name after, to distinguish them from my regular grandparents.

dave's family finally brought his furniture, which is enormous and old. especially enormous in the room. it reminded me of furniture that my grandparents had, the other ones, because their whole house was filled with these huge sturdy wooden things and they even have a huge thick wooden door like the kind that would seal off a wooden dungeon.

we went to go see "i heart huckabees", which wasn't good, but it was an interesting counter to "boogie nights", which i had never seen before but watched last nite and also features mark wahlberg. it was a markie mark weekend. i ate too much popcorn and junior mints and we have a late fee so bad at charlotte that they called the other blockbuster, where there is also a late fee, $22 for "the punisher." historically all my really bad late fees were for really bad movies. charlie just denied ever renting "leprechaun back 2 the hood," which we watched over christmas break at his house, to avoid paying. the other one was "the piano teacher," one of the worst movies i have ever seen, starring one of the stars of "i heart huckabees." the one in charlotte is "training day-" i don't remember whether i ever saw the end.

i have a bunch of papers and an advising appointment. my stomach feels too full for beer tonite, or ever.

damn europeans

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 02:56:39 GMT

blonde redhead was even better than i expected, and so was batboy: the musical, which is saying a lot because i expected both to be really good and they easily surpassed my expectations. i finished my paper and did some dishes. i looked for mp3s to avoid having to buy the songs i liked, and i ended up with a french car commercial playing at the top of the page i was looking at. the guy looked like ron jeremy and he didn't match the language. "un recontre sur de beaute, le design scandinave et la vie en general." charlie and i are teaching ourselves french with his old 101 textbook, invitation au monde francophone. it is almost spanish, but with much harder pronunciation. i remember a little from middle school. je m'appelle megan. ou et la biblioteque? non, merci, je suis une dame.
my father sent me a letter about voting, and consequently i gave dave a stamp to mail his voter registration form. perfect.

how i'm livin

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 05:26:41 GMT

two entries ago i was in the dorm. now done with one six month lease and started on another in a new place with two boys watching fisher king and one on the floor on the other computer. there is no desk for that one yet. today i learned some calculus. i retyped my breathtakingly horrendous spanish paper, so bad that i couldn't even get mad at the nerd who peer edited it because he was right. my style is un poco repetivo. his paper was breathtakingly excellent; the third person in my peer editing group did not bring her paper so as not to upset the balance, each paper an opposite end of the spectrum.
the cat is destroying things, but i am afraid to get her declawed. afraid of the money mostly, since people have said the trauma is not severe and she has recently recovered well from the move. but i also have a picture in my head of her destroying everything i own for years to come, which is possible. i keep asking everyone about their declawing experience, but no one has done what i am really looking for which is someone making the decision for me. someone to also do my mla format, since i still can't get it. stop my comma splicing. write my journal for me so i won't have sporadic, nonsensical entries that have nothing to do with the others, too distant in time even for me to catch up. do all my papers for the next week so when i sail off to boston i can do so with a clear conscience. later city.

plus delsym

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 18:27:40 GMT

it has been a long time since i wrote anything in this. i am doubly sick, tripley sick if you count that my eyelid hasn't stopped twitching since this morning and not fake twitching, twitching i can see if i don't blink and look in the mirror. i left my real journal at home and while i am here with his family who i cannot really tell that i am sick and he is at work i just wanted to say something, because after a morning of looking up symptoms on WebMD i am feeling really sorry for myself,and there is nothing better for that than an online journal entry.

plus x

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 15:31:27 GMT

on monday i have the first algebra test since high school. it got a little easier the third time around. summer got started once the pool opened and i could do my math homework in a chaise lounge in the sun, which is nice even though the pool is really small and people play annoying music on boom boxes while they are there. it is raining today so no go. i got a flat tire in the parking lot of harris teeter, or rather discovered it there, and i used some fix a flat after a lot of deliberation regarding whether i should just drive home on it, since i live really close by. i bought the fix a flat but basically i drove home on it anyway because fix a flat doesn't do anything. i've been driving around on the spare ever since because i heard you can drive a spare 20 miles and i certainly haven't reached that yet, but i keep wondering, what happens to the tire after that 20 miles? because if it explodes, and i see no reason why it wouldn't, i might be in trouble.

it's sunday

Mon, 03 May 2004 01:19:24 GMT

today a woman yelled at me because it was sunday and it is not okay to call people on sunday. yesterday a man told me he cancelled his aol subscription because they have liberal bias and support homosexuals. then a 36 year old unmarried nerd in california told me about his anime company and asked me if i was single. a giant gay man told me he liked my nose ring but that his lover had one on the side. a guy grabbed my shoe and said, "these won't do we got to get you some nikes or something." there are big holes in both my shoes right now that make me look like a homeless girl. my monitor let me choose another birthstone because my real one is ugly.
i got rained on. i started smoking again to have something to do during my break. i said "isp" hundreds and hundreds of times. i called 350 people today alone. and, amazingly, i survived my 4 straight days of training without quitting. it's all downhill from here.

safe then sorry

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 06:55:44 GMT

i can't sleep so i am up while charlie is asleep in the dark with muted tv on and a phone card, a marshmellow egg and empty bottles everywhere. i have to get up early tomorrow but i foiled my own get up early plan by sleeping too late today, until 2 oclock and it would have been longer if it hadn't been 9,ooo degrees in the room and i was buried under a giant black comforter with a secret heating compound at the core.
it is too late for me to be awake. today i:
saw a lizard
learned how to make giant bistro seasoned french fries, if by learning you mean looking at the recipe and then imagining them complete
ate a miniature krackel bar
saw two baby toads
saw a baby in a bouncer. he was going insane.
ate some cake, went to bed, got up again, then went back. better luck this time now that i've gotten that riveting toad story out my system.

no aloha

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 17:08:59 GMT

i'm so tired i can hardly believe i slept last night, although some of my fatigue might be related to the intensely boring video on consumerism we watched in lieu of learning something in biology. i slept really rough too and kicked the sheets off so i was sleeping on the weird texture mattress which is an odd thing to wake up to.
i have to go get a job but everytime it rains or is cold i get discouraged from walking to my car, which is not a good excuse i know but so far it has dissuaded me. i have only the smallest things to do but to accomplish them i need a piledriver and a totally silent, totally boring room, and a little time. and a handisnack.
i am probably actually tired and listless because last nite i had to do mla format and mla format drains the life from my very soul, especially if there is a works cited page involved, which there absolutely was. i have been dragging so much that i don't know how i will make it to my new classes, or through the summer with no break, no swimming pool, no aloha. and probably, due to excessive giant sloth, no job.

gun straight girl

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 17:36:20 GMT

home for weekend. we had breakfast at ihop. we saw "walking tall" as a joke that went way too far, a surprise for dave. i bought a toilet plunger and signed up for approaches to hispanic lit way near the end of my registration period which i guess means that people are not banging down the door to take that class, or my other monday class english lit to 1500. i think english lit to 1500 may kill me because on a scale of one to boring that class is probably a 9. dave and charlie bought toilet brushes and a duck shaped soap dispenser appropriately named the rock.
my mom asked me what kind of food i wanted when i got home and i said i didn't know, but that i did love mashed potatoes, so i am hoping the hint was received.

and stay out you piece

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 02:44:04 GMT

last nite we went to the theatre and there were greasy teenagers everywhere and they were trying to have sex with older theatre employees. it was fascinating because i remember when i was a greasy 12 year old and i thought people wanted to have sex with me but really the only people who want to give it to a 12 year old girl are scary old men and 12-14 year old boys, not 20 year olds with jobs. there were so many of them like a swarm, and they were dancing around and yelling, it was kind of funny and weird. some of them swarmed charlie's pinball machine, the one that replaced the "ride the cock" machine, and he went insane because he has a psychotic pinball habit that can no longer be controlled, and he pounded a few of them but i'm pretty sure they deserved it anyway.
only 4 more days until new apartment.

deluxe edition

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 20:00:23 GMT

it is so cold outside and when i look out the window it looks sunny and beautiful but actually it is freezing, but due to wishful thinking and my initial impression i refused to dress practically, wear stockings or a sweater. a wool skirt is as far as i'm going.
we went to target last nite and saw mini french presses and a fiber optic bonsai and awards you can give yrself, which i think sort of takes away from the meaning. they also have photo mats which would be very useful if i were taking pictures, which i'm not. my productivity has plummeted since spring break and while i am going to the gym i am not doing anything else and even getting to my 12 o clock class seems rough and i am blaming mono but really i am just having a laziness episode. i need a job and some summer school and a place to clean and make mine. and some new cds.

wednesday of the dead

Tue, 16 Mar 2004 19:22:05 GMT

last nite we watched return of the living dead which made it pretty clear which out of the guys who made night of the living dead was more talented, although as much as i liked dawn of the dead there were no girls getting naked and dancing on tombs and it didn't have that sweet song, i think it's like summery dead or something. also, return of the living dead didn't have a message about consumerism or racism and i prefer movies with no message. it's only message was get out of town when zombies are about, and also, zombies like to party and are usually accompanied by party music. and they can talk. and i think that's better because i already known about racism and the horrible dangers of the mall so i would prefer to see something about the horrible dangers of zombies and brain eating.
it is weird because not long ago i found zombies totally unscary, and now they are my greatest fear, especially child zombies or the zombies of people i know. actually, deep water is my greatest fear, but it actually seems less likely that i will be in a plane crash that plants me in the middle of the atlantic than that tomorrow will be wednesday of the dead and my roommate will wake up with super strength and zombie hunger.
i think this is probably the source of my zombie angst.

You are ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? Though you may
not have peed your pants, you sure as hell feel
like you are going to sometimes. Are you a
pussy? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Which old school Nickelodeon show are you?
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that's because it's not happening to you

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 04:00:37 GMT

last nite i fell asleep on the couch and when i woke up the episode of full house where uncle jesse is like oh no i am a failure and a terrible musician but then the beach boys let him have that horrific song that he molests his children to, which i don't think made him a good musician because he didn't even write the song, although his rebellious rock and roll hair was hot. today i got done eating dinner and i came upstairs and that episode of the cosby show where the family pretends the house is the real world to knock theo off his high horse was on, and i think what all this taught me was not to leave the tv on the same channel all the time because i arrive and see weird things, like malcom jamal warner.
today i got all the color stripped off my hair for only about $100 and i got to sit under the steamer. i got a free sandwich at panera and a trendy but gross soda. my mom made cookies and macaroni. i picked out a photo album for my new living room and a french press for my new kitchen and i was glad not to be in the scary dorm, no doubt still deserted and with no room for any of the out of my price range things i picked out at crate and barrel.
i need: a u-haul or a big truck.

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 23:01:19 GMT

in greensboro for a minute. i bought the winning powerball ticket at a liquor store called southern spirits in south carolina. yr supposed to do yr scratch offs in the same state but i didn't win anything so it doesn't matter that i actually recrossed the border and scratched at azteca's. the fact that i didn't win anything scratch off means i will definitely win powerball, all the numbers, 97 million, and then trade in my piece car for one that wont' need a new timing belt in december and our two bedroom apartment for a three with a balcony and a nice pool and plenty of room for peanut and good times. and a pool table. and a plasma tv.
this is not the last time i will have to do this so i am getting used to weekends apart but they are not fun at all. i get bored and lonely and there is never anything on tv. it makes me think that maybe holed up in yr room all nite would have been more fun, at least this time, because then i wouldn't have to sleep alone.

the bad dream

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 15:45:25 GMT

the air feels really crisp coming in the window but i know outside it is rough and windy and stark. a little nervous. responsibility-filled.
i keep feeling like i am not doing something i am supposed to be doing. i can think of a couple of things but i dont feel like any of them are it. i feel like i am not doing something important. like something bad is going to happen. i forgot to water the flowers but they weren't doing too well anyway, i think they are supposed to be outside and not on my friend's roommate's desk getting filtered sunlight 1 hour a day. i haven't studied enough but that seems only distantly important.
i have been time travelling a lot lately, i guess because of leap day. but this month is finally over and maybe now i can start living in now again. it's just that it doesn't take much, when i set up the music or roll down my car window or i wake up and feel the sun streaming through the window i am everywhere that has ever happened and i feel fragmented, disconnected from my former self. the only thing that seems the same are seasonal rushes and affective disorders. i don't like the idea that my reactions now have something to do with the way i used to be. i am tired of history.

and this is my grave

Sun, 29 Feb 2004 15:25:40 GMT

last night i was eating this tiny piece of homemade pizza and i burned the top of my mouth so bad that it got swollen and i kept poking it with my tongue, and this morning when i drank my orange juice it was very sore, so i tried to soothe it with a margarita ice and it feels a little better. disinfected maybe. it is probably the yellow #5. i am worried that i won't have a place to live next year and i will be the last person in the stupid dorms except for the people who were supposed to be my roommates. i'm going to end up one of those creepy bums that lurks around apartment buildings pretending like she lives there, or a nanny like in the hand that rocks the cradle that steals yr house and yr family when yr not paying attention or having an asthma attack on the porch. i swear if i don't have a kitchen i don't know what i'm going to do. oh caf, i hate you so much.

rhymes with...

Tue, 24 Feb 2004 22:40:55 GMT

i did so much today that i feel like a little business woman, only my sweater needs to be drycleaned. if i had a nicer dress i would be the furthest thing from edna.
pet fee is $350, which means i have to put the already named but so far nonexistent cats, peanut and good times, on hold.
today after i went to sherwood i pretended i was on my lunch break from my very attractive office job and that was why i was all dressed up in the bojangles where they always play oldies, my favorite bojangles. the chicken made my job seem less attractive and more piggy.
i told my roommate that i had so much to do this week that she was going to find me dead on the floor after i killed myself. she said, "woohoo, i get a 4.0!"

nice work if you can get it

Mon, 23 Feb 2004 23:14:42 GMT

today in biology class we talked about ozone, skin cancer, strawberries and chlorine which made me long for summer even after seeing a picture of a man with a melanoma eaten nose. being on 40 east had started this daydreaming for summer. getting on the highway makes going home seem like this big pioneer challenge and escaping seem like a real possibility when i know that generally my attempts to leave town forever have fallen far short of success. the closest i have ever come to edna is a waitress dress that i don't even wear and a couple of tattoos. once i ripped a hole in my fishnets so i could pee behind a dumpster. i slept in a car, in the driver's seat. i was homeless a couple of times for one nite, but only because i didn't want to go to my real house. i think if i had actually run away to my small town truck stop life the other waitresses would have given me syphilis and a drinking problem and then left me with my fat trucker husband, probably named jim, and several syphilitic children. all the syphilitic children are also named jim except for the one girl, who is named tonya or possibly after a daytime celebrity (who i would see often due to my only working nights) such as oprah or after a white trash woman who became famous somehow--i think tonya works for that one too. i wouldn't get fat but i probably would go insane as the syphilis a truck stop hooker named cookie gave to me ate my brain and jim would want to leave me and take the kids but he barely knows them since he's always on the road, plus he has like all truckers a trucker speed problem that causes him to behave oddly and sometimes violently when he is home. the kids are home alone most of the time and when i'm there i refuse to cook and i make my sons rub my disgusting waitress feet and tell them what a bum their father was, and the next time you'd see me would be getting busted on cops with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth and my nine children being thrown in a police car to go to the orphanage or to foster families. i think i get busted for pot or something, or having too many cats. or domestic violence. so in short it's a good thing i didn't run away that day in february so long ago, because if i had skipped all of school and left town forever you would only be seeing me on FX or Court TV, all leathery and with a hole in my nose like the guy in my biology slide show. thank god i went to greensboro instead.

drawn and quartered

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 21:59:10 GMT

there was a nazi rally in raleigh this weekend but while they were naziing and protestors were yelling at them i was in bed, then making breakfast, then at the art museum, then at an old friend's house. there were ferretts, but my spelling isn't good enough to discuss them. i made three meals, but two were the same. i broke the crock pot. i got my dog fat feeding her chicken scraps and letting her sleep all day. i had a lucid dream. today i feel like a wet noodle, all floppy and carby and fattening. exhausted.
right now my car is being ticketed behind the dorm, but hopefully not towed, and i am sipping on icecoke and avoiding walking it back to the freshman parking lot, where undoubtably there will be mud and chilly winds and the first bad thing i have to do this week. stupid sunday.

mutually exclusive

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 19:48:57 GMT

i was feeling kind of 80's because i was doing pushups and listening to chicks on speed with the fan pointed at my face. food last nite was good but kind of delayed and i was so hungry that my stomach climbed up my esophagus and climbed around on people's plates looking for my burger. it was pretty nauseating and also chokey. then betty's trash came on and i felt even more 80's, and we were talking about anorexia in spanish class which reminded me to do pushups--this was before the fan. then devo came on and felt like maybe i should dance or something, but i was worried about my plant, which despite light and watering does not appear to be doing well. it reminded me of being in this car like two years ago. then i remembered that i hadn't done my art reading, which was very everytime. nostudy is pretty universal. so in the span of one day i travelled further and further back in time until i ended up not reading when i was supposed to be reading, which is pretty similar to what i have been doing since 6th grade, but to break the chain i am going to class when i don't have to, doing all my reading (even the columbus stuff), and acing my spanish test everytime. like a whole new megan.
i'm looking forward to this weekend. it will be so nice to have a big bathtub, a big bed, a real kitchen. it's like practice for an apartment, except for the big bath. that's just like a vacation in itself.
this is the note that was on my board when i got home last nite:
officer winslow,
i came by.
<3 major shake

but does the answer really matter to this question?

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 22:23:56 GMT

only one ear on my headphones is working, but they are actually kristin's headphones. i have probably just gone partially deaf. we are talking about the big bang in biology which is kind of scary, i keep thinking about everything racing away like that screensaver with the stars flying, or the toasters, and our planet getting left all alone. i guess i would be dead if that happened anyway, unless the solar system stayed intact, but even then it would be so lonely. space is scary anyway, and big, sort of like my high school environmental science teacher.
if i can find three more guys who can lift more than 200 pounds i can watch my car get spun around, which didn't seem interesting until it became an actual possibility. i think it would be a good picture, especially if someone gets crushed.
i had a dream last nite that i didn't feed my dog for one day and she died, and i tried to feed her when she was dead, i buried her in food, but she just got bloated and gross. it was very sad. and i woke up and said "i wish i knew why there were three of them" which made sense for the time it took to say it but then i forgot what it meant and now i wish i knew why i said that.

nothing able to pay rent

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 20:14:11 GMT

good valentine's day. my brother told my mother to tell me that he and robert had been watching the weather channel and that a tsunami was headed for greensboro, playing off my long held fear of tsunamis based on a recurring dream i used to have when i was a kid. in the dream a tsunami hit me but i didn't die, i hid in a cupboard and i was okay, but i am still scared of even semi-tall waves. when i see them rising up i think they are going to swallow me alive. my mother told me that there is no use for math ever, and that even with a statistical job she has done one math problem outside of school in her entire life, and it was this weekend, and it was a very difficult word problem. technically she never finished it.
today last year i was: on my last leg. it was icing on my car. i was wearing someone else's mauve eurobriefs and a garter belt. i had forgotten about school and my parents. i had blonde hair.
the weather says wintry mix which makes me think presents, mittens and marshmallows will be falling from the sky but unforunately that amounts only to sleet, and probably not enough to keep me out of philosophy tomorrow. it's a real pity to think all this winter weather leads to absolutely nothing.

i am usually anti-quiz but this one makes an important point

Fri, 13 Feb 2004 19:10:29 GMT

You Are Master Shake

The Ultimate Aqua Teen Hunger Force Quiz
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biomedics

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 16:53:17 GMT

i am sucking it up and going to spanish despite a deep fear that has dominated my life ever since yesterday because i already had a scary experience today and i'm hoping even my oral presentation grade couldn't be as frightening as what happened on the way to the optometrist. i went to chick fil a because it's right by sears optical which by the way is in the friendly center even though the alltel directory woman took special pains to make sure to say that there wasn't one there and i got a pepsi with a lid on it and i drank half of it, then i looked at the lid and saw that trapped under it was a hair. that was frightening, but as i didn't know how long the hair was i didn't panic at first, even though it was clearly not my hair. i opened the lid slowly, and lo and behold i saw a black hair dangling in my pepsi. i actually screamed, not like a girly scream but like arrggh. so in summary it is only noon and today i have:
walked to and from the freshman lot in the rain and falling ice pellets
drank almost an entire pepsi with someone else's hair in it
had air bubbles shot into my eyes
had my eyes dilated
therefore, while i am still horribly afraid of my presentation grade, i feel equipped to handle whatever happens. it's almost the weekend anyway, and what a sweet weekend it will be.